I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
