Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
