I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
