dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
