I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
