My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your penis caused this!
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