I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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