She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize