i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
