Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
