Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
