i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
