I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
