Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
