for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
