i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
