Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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