Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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