I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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