I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
