I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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