Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
