It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
