I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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