i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Let's get the cat blown out
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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