No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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