u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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