this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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