Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
