Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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