i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
we're so committed to being not committed
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
