this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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