thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
