I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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