Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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