All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize