I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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