i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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