you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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