Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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