I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
