Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
