What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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