After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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