The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
