Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
