my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
