I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
