the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
