Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
