Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
