I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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