Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
a search helicopter?!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
