for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize