do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
