you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
