You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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