you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize