Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize