If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
