neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
