you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
