you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We need to get me chipped asap
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
