Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
