i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
