i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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