So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
