No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
