I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize