you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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