I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize