yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
